The Importance of Healthy Goodbyes
When you want to feel better faster.
Think about the last time you had to say goodbye. Maybe it was a death, or a breakup, or someone moved away and you lost touch. It was probably tough, and sad. When faced with the reality of goodbye, and not wanting the end to come, maybe you acted outside your integrity. It’s understandable, because in our culture we are bad at goodbyes. We love a happy ending, and we're okay with a tear-jerker that has some kind of silver lining or it’s obvious that the goodbye is inevitable (let’s face it, we all knew the iceberg was coming in Titanic).
Saying Farewell to Trauma Is Important
But the real-life goodbyes are often messy, exhausting, and emotional. One of the reasons why I do short-term therapy is because we need to get better at healthy goodbyes. The work I do with my clients is deep, emotional, and people end up feeling attached to me and the work we've done, but part of putting trauma to bed, once and for all, is about being able to let go of the negative stuff we all naturally accumulate, but also the positive aspects of the trauma - like the connection a client forms with their therapist or to post-traumatic growth they are able to achieve once they’ve processed trauma.
Release Trauma to Heal and Grow
Sometimes people aren't ready to release their trauma because they are afraid they'll lose the advantages trauma gave them - the skills and abilities they acquired as they learned to live with the trauma. This is understandable. However, healing your trauma provides you the opportunity to let go of the dysfunction while maintaining the knowledge, skills, and abilities you developed from it.
Saying Goodbye to Your Trauma Therapist
Saying goodbye to your trauma therapist is part of the healing process. Is it hard to say goodbye? Yes! It’s hard for your therapist, too! I know I adore my clients and I’m honored to be able to help them in the way I do. But just like in Free Willy - my clients outgrow the pool of captivity their trauma keeps them in, and they deserve a bigger, better life in the ocean, connected to other whales in their pod.
It’s Okay to Say Goodbye
Relationships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. My reason for creating a clinical working relationship with my client is to heal their trauma and put an end to the season of their lives that’s dictated by traumatic experiences. It is always my hope that the healing season lasts for the rest of their lives. It's good when I get to say goodbye! When you’re my client and we say goodbye, it means that your brain has done the work of healing, and I've been successful in guiding you through the process. I want you to move on, and it's okay if it's hard to say goodbye, but it's for the best reasons possible. Let’s work together with a goal of saying a healthy goodbye to your trauma.
